Fun With Scammers

23 May
Melissa Lee (a.k.a. LilaMae)

by Melissa Lee (a.k.a. LilaMae)

So yesterday I kept getting calls from this number (816)420-1002. A quick Google search on the number revealed this is a scam caller pretending to be CitiBank. They tell people they have a severely past due payment and will try and get them to give up their card number, bank info, social security number…you know – the usual bullshit soulless money-grubbing scam artist douchebaggery.

So – being me – I decided to have a little fun with them. After the sixth call (fuckers are PERSISTENT) I decided to dial them back. The following is the transcript of my convo with the douchbaggeress on the other end of the line. Note: I disguised my voice to sound like a dude. At first I thought, so did she.

DB: [post-Pall-Mall-breakfast-Sylvia-Browne-sounding-voice]Hello CitBank may I have your card number please?

Me: [heavy breathing]

DB: Hello?

Me: [creepy, midst-ter-bation voice] Hi…what are you wearing?

DB: [feigned indignant, pearl-clutching tone] What am I wearing??

Me: [midsterbation sounds]

DB: Is this Melissa?(..the fuck, now she’s my mom all of a sudden?)

Me: No. …so what are you wearing?

DB: [indignant, very put out] Enhh. *hack* Ending call!

I added the hack but the rest is true. I amuse myself. By the way I’m unemployed if that helps explain things.

I can’t believe the arrogance of these shitheads. First of all, calling my cell phone six times on a Sunday without even leaving a message raises a few red flags that you might not be CitiBank calling about a late payment.

Google the number for some interesting stories about what these people do to get your info. And also…my favorite part…they’ve been doing it using the same number since at least 2006! Five years. Amazing.

It makes me sick to think about how may naive elderly people get taken advantage of by these dickwads and others like them all the time because they’re not as jaded as our generation is …or twisted enough to simply fake being a desperate male masturbater looking for very cheap phone sex.

Tee hee.

4 Responses to “Fun With Scammers”

  1. biodork at 10:29 am #

    You should report them! A few months ago there was a MN Skeptics’ meetup with a fraud fighter from AARP and a rep from the Better Business Bureau. They investigate things like this!

  2. Melissa Lee at 10:34 am #

    Oh I did. Sorry I guess I should have added that part. I’m new at this!!

  3. Dave at 11:18 am #

    Classic 😉

  4. davidenoch at 3:52 pm #

    Oh dear I think I have a new blogess idol!, Did fate bring us together? I got the call too. I never answer these but I do often google the number to see who they are.

    What a treat to stumble on your writing! you’re as funny as you are smoking hot ( assuming you are the person in the photo which I am contrary to my skeptical nature)
    Youve inspired me to have some fun eith these guys too!

    ps What are you wearing?

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