Tag Archives: scams

Inner Dimensional Sound Chamber

10 Oct

by Brianne Bilyeu aka biodork

In August I was visiting family in Bellingham, Washington. My sister had mentioned that Bellingham was a little “woo-ey”, but for the first several days I didn’t see much that I would consider out of the ordinary. They had a natural foods co-op, an acupuncturist, a crystal shop, but nothing really striking. Then one day we were walking downtown and we ran across this gem of a store:

The window decals read:

HOME OF THE INNER DIMENSIONAL SOUND CHAMBER

WISE AWAKENING

AWAKENING TO WHO WE TRULY ARE, USING FREQUENCY

I’d never heard of an inner dimensional sound chamber. To the interwebs!

I found a website called soundheal.com and these are a few of the things that they have to say about the principles of the magic music box:

Inner Dimensional Sound Chamber is a blending of science and metaphysics in vibrational technology. It provides a low level oscillating energy field which assists with the restoration of cellular integrity.

The sound chamber honors the body’s natural geometric ability to heal itself at the cellular level. It sends specialized music or sound through the structure creating interference patterns.

I do not think these words “geometric” and “interference patterns” mean what you think they mean.

Intent is the primary value to sound therapy. In essence, the frequency (number of cycles per second the sound is vibrating) plus intent equals healing or a positive therapeutic effect.

Ah yes, here’s a classic pseudoscience disclaimer: If you don’t think it’s going to work, then it’s not going to work. It’s all your fault for not believing hard enough.

Through vibrational technology, there is an extreme activation of tissue regeneration. The capacity for tissue regeneration extends to the central nervous system and the brain to healing organs, muscles, and bones.

Well, yes, tissue regeneration can happen in some cases, but their un-defined “vibrational technology” isn’t the mechanism of action by which it takes place.

Sound creates form. In sound therapy, specifically directed tone can change the molecular structure within tissues.

When music or specialized sound in the form of brain wave patterns are played through the hollow structure, there is an additional benefit based on vibrational technology.

Ultrasound is a pretty cool technology with a lot of biomedical applications, including causing physiological changes within cells. But it seems that this company is proposing that playing audible music inside of their specially-shaped box will also get the job done.

All vibrations–from subtle to obvious–have specific effects on us emotionally and physically. These effects are still largely unknown.

And yet they have found a way to utilize vibrations to cause these unknown effects.

Electromagnetic energy forms two counter-rotational fields. One field is magnetic, the other electric. As the fields rotate, they oscillate. This affects the spin ratios at the sub-atomic level. As a field oscillates, it sets the pattern or blueprint for the formation of DNA.

What…I don’t even…*facepalm* Well, it sure sounds fancy and sciency. I have no idea what they’re getting at here – implying that electromagnetic fields cause the formation of new DNA? That electromagnetic fields cause changes in DNA? But the EMF watchdogs tell us that EMFs causes cancer. Wait, does their sound chamber cause cancer? Ouch, now I’m even more confused than before!

The structural design is based on the geometry of electromagnetic fields and the interlocking of specific geometric forms. The interlocking geometric forms produce stars, triangles and a pentagon which are the building blocks for other three-dimensional forms.

Our research suggests that the Inner Dimensional Sound Chamber provides a living field of energy. The energy is created by the geometric structure itself.

Woo-hoo! Geometry creates energy! Go go gadget Interlocking Geometry Team:

Thanks to my sister, Erin for helping me create some geometry-driven energy. Take that, Einstein!

We took this photo about 10 times because the power of the geometric form kept causing us to fall over. That’s 10 unique times we formed our geometric energy field. Somewhere The Doctor is having to keep a universe from collapsing. Geezus…can you imagine the harmonic power we could create if we all played Twister at the same time?

Oh, and if the chamber isn’t enough to thoroughly relax and heal you, this company also sells a “Sound Stool”. It’s a padded seat that houses a speaker.

The sound stool was designed to stimulate the physical body to a point of relaxation.  The vibration of the stool stimulates muscle groups.  In doing this muscle fiber can relax to the point assisting the nervous system to release nerve impingment.

In the sitting position when the user places the hands on the top of the knees, the vibration can be felt from head to toe.  This position facilitates full body stimulation.  The sound stool provides a wide range of  vibrational waves of energy that can be controlled by the user just by changing the music being sent to the stool.  This supersedes a mechanical device many times over.

Really? This is just waaaay too easy. A vibrating chair that relaxes and stimulates? I bet it does. This stool sounds like something I could purchase at the local adult toy store. It reminds me of the devices at the Museum of Questionable Medical Devices that helped cure women of “hysteria”.

But at the end of the day who cares? When I want to relax I go to the spa and get a massage or a pedicure. So if you want to hang out in a woo-ish music box with a piece of vibrating furniture, more power and magical healing energy to you.

But then the company goes beyond promising emotional calm, meditation or orgasms…er…relaxation. They do have a disclaimer on the front page  – “This modality is not intended to replace diagnosis or treatment by a physician.” – but they have no problem implying that their chamber might be beneficial for fibromyalgia, migraines, acute post-trauma (rather vague, but hey, why draw the line here?), neck and back pain, degenerative diseases, lupus, arthritis, asthma, bipolar and depression, neurological disorders, autism, hyperactivity, increase in well-being, change in soft tissue disfunction, structural realignment, and balance, calmness and focus (so if your Power Balance bracelet doesn’t appear to be working, now you have a back-up plan).

And I don’t care if the modality is not intended to replace diagnosis or treatment by a physician. There are people who will use it as a replacement for or alternative to medical care, and they are going to suffer because of this company’s implied claims.

So once again we have a ridiculous, fake promise of healing very serious and real illnesses, back by ridiculous, fake science mumbo-jumbo. They’re blurring the line between good ol’ relaxing fun and medical treatment. So here’s the deal – Not-A-Doctor Brianne sez: For medical advice go to a doctor. For music advice go to your local record store. For naughty adult furniture go to a naughty adult furniture store…or to soundheal.com. But don’t go sit in a magic music box and hope that you can think all of your mental or physical illness or injuries away while listening to a recording of waves crashing on the ocean or whatever they’re passing off as “specialized music”. That’s a sure way to not be healed.

Literal Snake Oil For Sale From – Shocker – The Beauty Industry!

31 May
Melissa Lee (a.k.a. LilaMae)

by Melissa Lee (a.k.a. LilaMae)

 

Are you dim and have money to blow? Well, first of all – call me. But second of all, there’s a new beauty product out there made specifically for you.

It’s called Snake Serum. I’m not kidding. And it sells for ..brace yourself… $160 for 0.8 ounces!

Apparently all the way to Gullibleville.

The people at Glamoxy (really?) have to be laughing their asses off. I know I did when reading their product’s outlandish claims, such as:

“Use the power of the Temple Vipers venom to stop your aging skin in its tracks”

Holy.
Shit.

I can’t explain any more because my brain hurts, and every fiber of my girl-being is insulted by the existence of this product. You’ll just have to go to the site to read more: http://www.glamoxysnakeserum.com/

Fun With Scammers

23 May
Melissa Lee (a.k.a. LilaMae)

by Melissa Lee (a.k.a. LilaMae)

So yesterday I kept getting calls from this number (816)420-1002. A quick Google search on the number revealed this is a scam caller pretending to be CitiBank. They tell people they have a severely past due payment and will try and get them to give up their card number, bank info, social security number…you know – the usual bullshit soulless money-grubbing scam artist douchebaggery.

So – being me – I decided to have a little fun with them. After the sixth call (fuckers are PERSISTENT) I decided to dial them back. The following is the transcript of my convo with the douchbaggeress on the other end of the line. Note: I disguised my voice to sound like a dude. At first I thought, so did she.

DB: [post-Pall-Mall-breakfast-Sylvia-Browne-sounding-voice]Hello CitBank may I have your card number please?

Me: [heavy breathing]

DB: Hello?

Me: [creepy, midst-ter-bation voice] Hi…what are you wearing?

DB: [feigned indignant, pearl-clutching tone] What am I wearing??

Me: [midsterbation sounds]

DB: Is this Melissa?(..the fuck, now she’s my mom all of a sudden?)

Me: No. …so what are you wearing?

DB: [indignant, very put out] Enhh. *hack* Ending call!

I added the hack but the rest is true. I amuse myself. By the way I’m unemployed if that helps explain things.

I can’t believe the arrogance of these shitheads. First of all, calling my cell phone six times on a Sunday without even leaving a message raises a few red flags that you might not be CitiBank calling about a late payment.

Google the number for some interesting stories about what these people do to get your info. And also…my favorite part…they’ve been doing it using the same number since at least 2006! Five years. Amazing.

It makes me sick to think about how may naive elderly people get taken advantage of by these dickwads and others like them all the time because they’re not as jaded as our generation is …or twisted enough to simply fake being a desperate male masturbater looking for very cheap phone sex.

Tee hee.